How do you solve a problem like pizza?
by Shewritesstuff
Summary: Peaceful nights in are rare for the team. Hanging out and eating pizza like ordinary teens shouldn't be a big deal. But what happens when it comes to sharing that last slice. How do you a solve a problem like that? - short story based on a YJ LJ anon prompt. Rated T- just to be safe one case of swearing and minor violence


**Title: How do you solve a problem like pizza?**

**Genre: **Comedy/Suspense/Crack.

**Warning:** Mild violence and some language.

**A/N:** This is my first story posted here and it is based off a YJ anon prompt on the Live Journal community [ . ?page=4#comments]. The prompter asked for a fic based on this youtube sketch Julian Smith by called Truth [ watch?v=DCVrhKGxKkU]. I thought it was a genius prompt and hilarious so here is my attempt at humouring you all.

**DISCLAIMER:** I don't own Young Justice or YouTube. Heck, I don't even fully own this idea which have to thank the imaginative prompter for and Julian Smith.

**PART ONE**

"You know what's better than pizza?" Kid Flash sighed dreamily eyeing the slice in his hand. The dopey smile on his freckled face widened as he inhaled the glorious yet comforting aroma of cheese, tomato and an assortment of toppings baked to perfection.

Robin momentarily stopped eating to look at him, awaiting the answer.

"Nothing on this GREEN EARTH BRO!" The exclamation was loud and came a little late since Robin had already returned to scoffing down as much of what was in his hands as he humanly could. He barely could hear what his best friend muttered next.

"I just trick questioned your butt. How'd you not get that?"

"Meatingeredontcare" The Boy Wonder mumbled mouth full and focussing on what truly mattered most.

"Urgh!" Artemis was irritated and she was ready to make that fact clear to the boys. "Why must you guys ruin pizza night by talking and being gross? It's supposed to be the best night of the month. Just shut up and eat." A hint of a threat lingered in the air which was more than enough to make Robin chew with his mouth closed.

M'Gann raised an eyebrow. "Month?"

"Well we don't _all_have handy shape shifting 'liposuction powers'." Artemis reminded her team mate. Sometimes it stung being surrounded by the super powered. "This body? Doesn't happen overnight. I indulge…I come back from a mission in a _body bag_." Sarcastic finger quotes and exaggerated hand motions could not hide the seriousness of it all. Artemis and Robin were just human which meant they had to work extra hard to come back from each mission in one piece.

The cave went silent and all were in deep thought about the dangers they faced daily. Despite initially craving exactly that sort of peace and quiet the archer suddenly regretted her outburst.

"Talk about ruining pizza night! Nice going Wednesday Adams. I never ordered a side dish of morbid to go." Kid Flash muttered. A sigh of relief left his team mates' lips as they knew what would follow was the usual light-hearted banter between the two.

Artemis turned to her left pleased to punch the idiot who sat next to her. "Sorry I forgot your body was _too stupid_ to get fat." She growled. Superboy chuckled at the startled expression on Kid Flash's face who rubbed fiercely at his hurt arm. That chuckle put him on the archer's radar. "Or programmed to permanently be a hot piece of ass as part of a twisted science fair!"

Superboy sighed and shrugged his shoulders.

He had heard worse from the foulmouthed junior heroine.

"_Hot piece of ass, Conner_." M'Gann whispered telepathically into her boyfriend's mind. The couple shared a flirtatious smile.

Robin was giggling at the scene; he really did enjoy the spectacle that was Artemis's interpretation of 'friendly chitchat'.

"We mere mortals aren't as fortunate." Artemis scowled at the boy wonder, reminding him that she spoke for the both of them. Instead of a defensive retort, she was met with a genuine nod of sympathy and understanding from Robin.

"Bats has me on an tight fitness regime but I have been told: Growing boys need their share of poisonous junk food." Robin loved Alfred for that.

Artemis smiled glad no longer feeling singled out.

"Does Mars have pizza?" Superboy asked turning to M'Gann. "In Cadmus I only knew about the theory behind it."

_What a downer_, Kid Flash thought to himself. Death and labs! Why couldn't they just enjoy the moment instead of sharing their tales of 'pizza deprivation' – something the speedster was lucky to never have experienced.

"Sadly no, but we have a great delicacy called Smotackwee." M'Gann smiled her eyes sparkling at the memory of this exotic Martian food.

The blank stares all round caused the Martian to blush.

"It's like…" She paused for a moment to think. How she could explain this? "It is kinda like this rare fungi that grows in Spitchal…dung."

A gasp of horror came from somewhere in the room.

"Very yummy though!" She added quickly. The stares remained unconvinced and so she gave an awkward smile before popping the last piece of her food into her mouth. Why talk about Mars, she realised especially when pizza on earth was incredible_._

She suddenly had an idea. Hello M'Gann! It would totally work as a pizza topping!" Excited she jumped out of her seat. "It really would!"

But her team mates did not share her enthusiasm. Instead they shared a look of concern she was oblivious to. Surely this was not going to become her latest disastrous kitchen project it said.

"Eh…" Kid Flash finally spoke up, clearing his throat. Someone needed to nip this in the bud. "Thanks…but no thanks beautiful. I tink I speak for the team when I say I'll pass on Smotawhatever, so instead let's all settle for some more good old Italian —-

His hand grabbed at nothing.

"—-pie?"

Wally swallowed hard.

_Shit just got real._

**PART TWO**

All members joined M'gann by instantly jumping to their feet.

The teens took a few cautious steps backwards as if needing space to assess this sudden calamity. The air became still and the prolonged silence made it easier for discomfort to brew.

"There is only one slice left." Kid flash whispered eyes rapidly blinking. The slice in the box remained singular and unchanged.

"Yeah." The word just fell out of Artemis's lips. It did not sound like her – the tone frighteningly low and devoid of any real feeling. She stood there with the rest in a semi circle around the pizza box on the coffee table. Wide eyed and still.

M'gann let out an anxious whimper; she looked around and hugged herself, dread steadily creeping into her small body. Sensing her distress, Superboy quickly moved towards his girlfriend and pulled her into his firm chest. His strong arms held her in a protective embrace. He frowned, his muscles tensed. He did not like where this was heading.

"But there are four of us." He muttered, "Four". The 'The more the merrier' principle the teens taught the clone no longer stood. _The more the harder_, Connor thought to himself. It felt familiar and instinctive, something more sinister than just programming Cadmus left behind. Something primal. _The more the harder_. But harder to do what?

He wasn't quite sure. All he was certain of was that he could hear M'gann's breathing and heart rate steadily speed up. This was not never a good sign.

"We did the math and we see it too!" Artemis snapped but she just couldn't hide the new expression of alarm on her face. '_It always comes down to this little girl'_, her father's voice echoed in her mind. It always comes down to _this_.

"There is only one slice left! We are four!" Kid Flash flapped his arms frantically his voice full of panic. "One slice!" He cried over and over again, trying to drum into the heads of his friends the graveness of the number. Did they not see this? Did they not _realise_?

"I think he's broken." Robin's voice was higher than usual and strained with worry. "Wally? Wally! Get a hold of yourself!" He desperately cried moving to grab his friend by the shoulders.

But Kid Flash violently shrugged him off. "You don't understand…we are faced with a problem more unsolvable than Riemann Hypothesis!"

_"Conner. What's going to happen."_M'gann thought, her eyes brimming with tears.

"I don't know, but we will be okay. We'll get through this. I promise." Superboy responded out loud worried the telepath might have already picked up on his uncertain state of mind.

"Get traught gang!" Robin's voice came out loud, steady and professional sounding. "We need to stay whelmed if we are going to sort this out."

Kid Flash stopped his arms from flailing, his eyes hardened. He was sceptical but willing to hear his friend out. How were they going to get through this?

All attention was on the superhero child prodigy.

"So…how are we going to do this." Kid Flash asked the very question on everybody's mind.

Robin took a deep breath, his shoulders relax and began his approach towards the coveted slice.

Alarmed, Artemis immediately drew for her arrow with superhuman speed. Startled, Robin stopped and slowly raised his arms to the sky.

"Chill Arty."

"Why do you need to touch it?" She made no move to lower her weapon, still ready to attack her own friend. Her bowstring was tense and itching for release.

"I was just taking a closer look to see if we could divide this." Robin tried to keep his voice steady, but it was hard with an expert archer pointing an arrow at his 13 years old chest.

"And _who_would get the edge crusty bit? Not you I would assume!" Her accusation echoed in the cave.

"Pepperoni." Superboy growled his fists tightening and for the first time he was no longer taking notice of the small body clinging to his muscular frame.

"Right." Robin whispered, lowering his hands. "This is not what you think it is –" A warning arrow shot flew past his face causing Robin to drop to the ground. Before anyone else could react, Artemis was ready with another arrow.

"Hands were I can see them Bat brat! Try that Houdini crap and get shot. Simple as."

Robin's eyes widened. She shot at him. She _actually_ shot at him and was going to do it again. He slowly raised his hands once more, then turned to Kid Flash, eyes pleading for reason.  
"Seriously…Kid?"

Kid Flash although momentarily shocked at the shot. Artemis wasn't bluffing. After a moment he finally shook his head firmly. His eyes betrayed a twinge of guilt at not siding with his best friend on this matter.  
"Sorry but she's right Rob. Those shades make it incredibly hard to see what those baby blues might be plotting. Friend or foe. I can't tell bro." Kid Flash sounded genuinely upset about it but he had to do what he had to do.

"Your eyes are blue?" M'gann asked, looking at Robin for confirmation. For a moment she forgot her own fear and her mouth curved in a curious smile

"KF!" Robin was horrified by his friend's words but the young speedster could not meet his eyes.  
"Sorry." He whispered looking away.

Superboy had enough.

**PART THREE**

"Let's wrestle for it!" The Superman clone demanded.

"Great idea spawn of muscle man!" Artemis retorted, then swiftly turned to point her arrow at Wally " _And don't you dare say race!_"

"We'll each take a bite?" M'gann suggested. There had to be a way to resolve this peacefully.

"My mouth touch something _his_ gross germy lips touched?" Artemis laughed at the preposterous idea. Like she would ever go near Wally's mouth! Pizza or no pizza. Only an alien would suggest something that…_awkward_. Her cruel laughter sufficiently masked her cheeks that reddened at the thought of Wally's pink lips.

"My immune system prevents me from getting sick so I don't object to your idea." Superboy smiled gently at the Martian.

"Hey, hey HEY! I am **not**a dirty germball!" Kid Flash's protests just begged for more insults from Artemis and within moments a shouting match commenced.

"Miss M.?" Robin asked "Any other ideas", he had resigned himself to this insanity. They threatened to shoot him for interfering. Yes, he got the message loud and clear. Screw these so called friends. Nothing was gonna stop him from getting on a piece of heavenly food. If anyone lifted a finger at him, he was going to go Bat-listic on their ass, showing them_exactly_what it means to be trained by the Dark Knight.

"I could make you all think you ate the last piece. So we get to each enjoy it." M'gann's helpful offer was immediately met with hostile glares from all sides.

"Or…you could eat it yourself and make us forget you did." Robin cried horrified and grabbing at his head. How could he not have seen this coming? This Martian with marshmallow sweet smile was **the real threat.**

"Who says she hasn't already done it." Kid Flash whispered glancing around him.

Artemis let out a shriek of terror.

"Take her down! She is a liability!" Robin reached for his birdarang ready to attack.

"Enough! Leave her alone!" Superboy threw himself in front of his girlfriend. He was done talking, he was stronger than these humans and he knew it. "I'm taking it and sharing it with M'Gann."

"Not if I have anything to say about it!" Green Arrow's sidekick drew an explosive arrow and pointed it at the Kryptonian clone.  
"Try and stop me." That hostile snarl from the teenaged heartthrob was enough for the fierce-eyed blonde.

The tension snapped like an elastic band.

With the word 'attack' on their minds, Artemis and Superboy flew at each other only to be kept apart by an invisible barrier.

M'gann's forcefield violently threw her boyfriend and her friend towards opposite sides of the cave.

Seeing an opportunity, Kid Flash made his move attempting to zoom towards the pizza box but he was thwarted by a birdarang to his knee causing him to fall flat on his face.

Dumb predictable Wally, Robin thought cruelly.

This was every teen for themselves. Eyes on no longer on the prize but on the 'enemy' and contestants of this innocent hangout session turned 'Last Man Standing Death match'.

A flurry of activity ensued. The team was engaged in a deadly dance made up of attacks, counter attacks and defence manoeuvres. With their focus wholly on taking down their friends, not one person noticed the teleportation device activate in the cave.

At that moment Aqualad appeared at the door. After a tiring battle against Ocean Master, the young Atlantean warrior was ready to, as surface dwellers phrased it, 'wind down' for the evening. The team seemed to be having a different idea as his greetings fell on deaf ears. To him the 'Battle for the Last Slice' appeared to be an impromptu training session which he felt no hurry to be part of.

He was hungry and ready for something to –

The slice of pizza caught his eye.

—-

"ENOUGH!" M'gann's telephathic outburst halted all. "We are_better_ than this. We are supposed to be_heroes_." She pleaded with her team mates.

How could this have gotten so out of hand? Slowly shame flooded across their faces.

"She's right." Superboy whispered, he looked at the S on his shirt. People looked up to Superman and what he stood for. No wonder the Man of Steel did not want anything to do with him, he was petty, small-minded, brutish and most importantly unworthy to wear the S.

"There is a pizzeria nearby. I could be there and back in 30 seconds." KF whispered. If his uncle could see him now, being so irrational and worked up. He would be horrified. Whatever happened to being rational, relaxed and caring Wally West his family knew? He could have stopped this, he wasn't without options all he had to do what _think fast_. So why didn't he?

"I'm not really hungry anymore." Artemis admitted. She had more than enough to eat earlier. To make it worse, she wasn't particularly hungry to begin with. The truth was, she came to hang out with friends looking forward to actually being in the company of people her age. An opportunity she didn't have growing up. So now she finally had friends, how could she attack them like this? She grabbed at her stomach and felt sick. She was just as bad as her father. No wonder kids stayed away in the past.

"Ditto." Robin shook his head disappointed in himself. He was Dick Grayson, ward of one of the richest men on this planet. He was surrounded by enough wealth to never fear hunger or discomfort. Unlike so many poor and vulnerable children across the world. He thought of the thousands of Wayne charity events he went to and the horror stories that made him grateful for what he had each day. He thought about the values on Wayne Enterprises corporate responsibility manifesto, the charitable nature of his guardian and the Haley Circus philosophy of family, loyalty and sharing everything with those around you. Oh man, what was wrong with him?

Satisfied with her team mates exercise of self-reflection, M'Gann's thoughts returned to the slice of pizza. They all, including her, had overreacted. But then again, she only had one tiny slice to eat at dinner. Of course, it was her fault for being a slow eater and a eager conversationalist. But she was_starving_. Maybe they would let her have the last sli—

It was gone.

Gone!

That's when all ten eyeballs locked onto the stretched out figure of team leader Aqualad, comfortably situated on the couch wiping crumbs from his lips.

The satisfied smile on his face is what did it.

"NO!" M'Gann growled savagely, with a swift flick of the hand she telekinetically threw the unsuspecting teen across the room – smashing him right into a bookcase.

"MISS MARTIAN, M'Gann, Miss M, MEG!" A shocked chorus of voices.

There was clear panic as all the youths, minus M'Gann, scrambled towards Kaldur to see if the boy lived. Confirming just minor bruises and furrowed brow showing confusion, the team directed their attention at the Martian who stood blushing fiercely.

The angry glares remained adamantly demanding an explanation from her.

"It was the last slice." She sobbed pleading in her defense. "And he ate it! What else was I supposed to do?"

**THE END**


End file.
